Be a veterinarian for dragons, they said. It'll be fun, they said

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Be a veterinarian for dragons, they said. It'll be fun, they said... Well they lied! 5 days annual leave, bonkers hours and singed clothes.

They rope you in with the mouth watering starting salary of 40k and tie a knot around your neck with the 'no previous experience needed' carrot. Well at least that's how they got me. I'm 18 years old fresh out of school and couldn't get work anywhere. I was told that I needed 6 months experience for sweeping floors. 6 months, can you believe that? When I saw the advert for this I couldn't wait to sign up.

I thought I'd have to handle split nails, chipped teeth and a few sprained wings. 6 months into this job and I've had to syringe 8 dragon ears, lance 12 ingrowing hairs, and drain a growth that I still can't explain. Have you ever see the inside of a dragon's ear? Let me paint the picture for you. Imagine the ear of the dirtiest person that you know. Now imagine that person has gone for a 20 mile run, and during that jog he decided to roll through manure. Can you imagine the inside of his ear after all that? Well now imagine this same person wanted to clean his ears but he used, puss ridden ear buds dipped in horse mucus. Do you have a picture in your head? Well that's not even close.

Now, I've said all this stuff about the dragons but they aren't even the worst part of this job. They are innocent bystanders. It's their show off, look at me, owners. They swan into the surgery, with their noses in air, screaming snob. I know they are special, because 'dragons only choose special owners' but that doesn't mean they have to look down on us. I do them a great service, without me something small like acid reflux could turn into a forest fire. I think I'm special, my mum always told me I'm special.

Anyway I better get back to work, I have to pop a fungal boil this afternoon. Stay away from this profession if you can. Do something easier and more fun like... teaching.

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allthingsm4tt

Writer of things, meme supplier, semi-occasional six string swordist, sporadic cinema goer and smiler.