"Fill out this form and then come back to this desk." "This is ridiculous. I'm very busy." "Fill out thi...

"Fill out this form and then come back to this desk."

"This is ridiculous. I'm very busy."

"Fill out this form and then come back to this desk." she banged the sign on the window that echoed her sentiments.

Santa turned away and sat down on a grubby chair. It had chunks missing and masking tap holding it together, but it was the best one in the room. 

Being good at filling out forms, Santa returned to the desk in quick time, "I couldn't fill out the vehicle registration or my driving licence number."

Annoyance burned across the woman's face. She whacked the sign, "Fill out the form and then come back to this desk."

"You don't understand. I have filled it out. My vehicle doesn't have a registration and I was never given a driving license number."

She lifted her glasses and scowled, "So you're the fool riding around on the unlicensed sled?"

"It doesn't need to be licensed. Look, how much is the fine? I really have a lot to do."

"I'm afraid without a driving licence number your vehicle isn't going anywhere." She lowered her glasses and returned to her crossword.

"You can't be serious. Do you know who I am?"

The woman ignored him, "7 Across." she mumbled.

"People are counting on me! I was only parked for a fraction..."

"Hey pal, sit down okay. You heard the lady. No license, they can't help." A voice hurled at him from the seating area.

Santa thought to himself for a moment, A different approach. He removed his red hat, hand-combed his white hair and took a deep breath.

"Linda," her name badge was dusty and he hoped he hadn't made a mistake. "You seem like an understanding woman." He paused, he knew his next sentence was make or break. "I need my sled to bring presents to the children. I have only a few hours to finish off my deliveries. Can you help me out?"

Linda ticked off another word on her crossword and looked up. Her face eased and she patted her grey bob. She smiled at Santa, he returned the gesture. Then like a piece of paper that has been set alight her face twisted and scrunched together. 

"I don't care who you are! No license, no vehicle!" her shrieks, defied a woman of her tiny frame. She pulled up another sign that echoed her words.

Santa huffed and shoved back on his hat. He pulled coal from his pocket and slammed it down on her table, "Merry Christmas Linda!" the bell on his hat jingled as he marched off.

"Hey, hey!" Linda shouted.

Santa turned around, maybe Christmas cheer had thawed her.

She lifted the coal, "If you don't take your property I will be forced to throw it in the bin." she displayed another sign that showed the rule.

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story came out last week. In the days since watching it I've aired my opinion, and many friends have told me t...

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story came out last week. In the days since watching it I've aired my opinion, and many friends have told me to remember it's not a star wars films. It's a stand alone film set in the Star War universe. So I need to remember that, it's different, it doesn't have light sabre battles or Jedi, because it's different. 

I can appreciate the differences. I understand that it's set after the fall of the Jedi in a Force starved era.

I can't appreciate the lack of warmth and fun.

I found a lot wrong with this film. Maybe because I had unreal expectations? I just think it suffered from a dull script and a lack of direction. 

To keep this blog brief, and not let it turn into a rant, I've boiled my dislike down to three areas. Enjoy

The characters

I can't say this any other way, the characters are boring. Jyn had this air of mystery about her in the trailers. After I watched it, I was not interested in her paper thin story or her. The rest of the Rogue One Team were walk on characters at best. I think they missed a trick with Donnie Yen's Chirrut Îmwe. He had Jedi abilities, was blind and yet showed no signs of this and clearly had an interesting history. A history that may have shed light on the force and the Jedi. The directors decided to give his character minimal screen time and use him for comic relief. 

As one of the greatest characters ever created on the screen Darth Vader did what was expected of him and completely stole the show (not difficult). 

Many who told me "It's not a Star Wars film, appreciate it as a stand alone," also told me how much they loved Vader with the lightsaber and his control of the force to kill people for fun. Anakin shows my reaction to those comments.

A special mention for Forrest Whitaker's character Saw Gerrera. Trailers again made him seem like an important figure to the story and indeed the Star Wars Universe. His inclusion did nothing to storyline. He was not needed at all which shocked me. Why would you give a well known actor such a horrendous part? After I did some digging, I found out that his character was damaged by script re-writes and cuts. If true, that's a huge shame because Gerrera certainly gave a lot to the Star Wars: the Clone Wars series.

Doesn't tell us anything new 

Not much in the way of 'new' is given to the Star Wars universe. Like the Star Wars prequels, we knew where this film was going. In having all new characters at the core of this story, the writers and director could have had fun and added new value to the Star War Universe. I expected a new fresh story that would give me new insight to tie me over until episode 8.

I did feel that it wanted to give us something new (Jyn's necklace for example) but it just played it safe and steam rolled its way to the ending. 

All we found out was why the Death Star had such an achilles heel. At times it felt like this was the only purpose of this entire event. Well done Rogue One you put to bed the 40 year old mystery about the Death Star. 

Michael Bay Inspired 

I nodded off a few times in the film. My advanced years are catching up with me. I can't watch constant explosions and cool special effects like I used to. The battles in previous Star Wars films had a certain gravitas to them. The fighter pilot scene at the end of New Hope is one of my favourite scenes in all of Star Wars. Watching Luke survive and then destroy the Death Star was tense. The countless fighter scenes in Rogue One were completely blah. I'm sure they will be nominated for a Best Special Effects award at the Oscars though, so well done.

He walked into her room. Familiar beeps perforated the silence. The smell of industrial cleanliness assaulted his nostrils, he still wa...

He walked into her room. Familiar beeps perforated the silence. The smell of industrial cleanliness assaulted his nostrils, he still wasn’t used to it. New flowers coloured her bedside table. They were a neither colour between red and pink. He despised them, but the bin wasn’t an option. They were from her mother and carried all her trademarks: loud, pungent and cumbersome

He strolled over to the window and tugged open the blinds. A picture ornamented the window ledge. A boy and a girl in clothes that oozed 80s over posed for the photo. You could almost hear the person behind the camera ordering them to 'smile more.' He brushed it over with his palm and popped it back on the window ledge. 

Pulling a chair with him, he walked over to the bed. He sat down and dug into a carrier bag he had tie around his wrist.

"Good morning. How are you? Sorry I've been away for a while." He spoke slowly as his concentration was with the bag.

He continued to rummage then striking gold he pulled a book into the sky. "Look, I've found your favourite." For the first time he eyed the woman in the bed. 

She was still, the occasional rise and fall of her stomach indicated that life was still with her. Strands of her black hair covered her face. He stood up and brushed them aside. "That's better."

Wires entered and left her body like stitches. Bagged liquids hung above her bed, creating a kaleidoscope the 70s would have been proud of. Her body had lost the ability to run itself years ago. Now machinery did everything, everything except wake her up.

Death can be a choice, if you have enough money.

"Mr. Jones, of the Manor Farm, had locked the hen-houses for the night, but was too drunk to remember to shut the pop-holes..." He read.

Beep.

He didn't look up. "...With the ring of light from his lantern dancing from side to side..." 

Beep.

He stopped. Something was different, unfamiliar.

Beep. 

He eyeballed the machines, trying to place the migrant new beep 

Beep.

“What the f…” His book fell from his hand. The heart beat monitor was moving.

Beep. 

There it was again, his mind wasn't playing vicious tricks on him.

"Nurse," He squeaked, unprepared for the screams that he wanted. "Nurse!"  

Beep.

"NURSE!"

"Don't tell me how to live my life!" "You're a ghost." "Does that mean I don't have a life?...

"Don't tell me how to live my life!"

"You're a ghost."

"Does that mean I don't have a life?"

He stared at her, well at least as well as you can stare at someone transparent.

"What will you do now?"

She searched the floor, not knowing where to start her reply.

"He knows that you exist. He will come for you."

"Then I'll put him under a bus too" Defiance rang through her voice. "After all I am a ghost."

"And he is a ghost hunter..." before his lips could fence around his teeth an arrow pierced his neck. 

He fell to the floor, blood pouring from his mouth and neck. She tried to help, but she hadn't mastered touching things. She had only been a ghost for 24 hours, blowing things over was the extent of her abilities. 

Panicked, she searched for the shooter, but they were in the centre of a forest, it would be a needle in a hay stack task.

"Run!" He gargled.

She couldn't leave him. "Run..." He repeated, his mouth filled with more blood and dripped down his chin. 

She held back the tears and turned to leave. Before she could move anywhere her legs gave way. For the first time since being a ghost she felt physical pain. Blue light shocked her body like an over fizzed bottle of coke. 

Hey everyone, Over the last week and a half I've stumbled across audiobooks on Spotify. I've always loved audiobooks, but the pr...

Hey everyone,

Over the last week and a half I've stumbled across audiobooks on Spotify. I've always loved audiobooks, but the process of buying one always seemed strenuous. Last week, I was watching a chat between Stephen King and George RR Martin. The two shared a mutual love for each other's work and Stephen (notice we're on first name terms) mentioned listening to 'Game of Thrones' on his phone. The thought to try my Spotify account came fully formed to my mind. I typed in Audiobooks on Spotify and saw the beautiful sight of hundreds of different books. 

Excited, and annoyed that I hadn't noticed them sooner, I searched looking for something to break my audiobook Spotify virginity. After 10 minutes I found the lucky text - 'Animal Farm'

It took me 5 minutes to realise I will be listening to an unhealthy amount of audiobooks from now on and 2 days to finish 'Animal Farm.' From start to finish, I enjoyed every aspect of the book. I've never read anything by Orwell and the thought why the hell not now rings through my mind. 28 years on this planet and I've waited this long for one of life's pleasures. 

When I finished it I craved more, so I searched Spotify again. This time my searching lead me to Jules Verne (another unread author of mine) and 'Around the World in 80 days.' I'm currently on chapter 12, and I'm enjoying the story and the pace of it all. I have a desire to know what happens next, but I don't feel as if Verne is rushing to get to the end. Instead, he is walking me to it at his pace and I'm not complaining.

If you have Spotify, give it a go and feed the book devourer inside of you.

Matt x 

She gritted her teeth, annoyed. She wasn't supposed to sleep that long. Her muscles throbbed with exhaustion but she couldn't aff...

She gritted her teeth, annoyed. She wasn't supposed to sleep that long. Her muscles throbbed with exhaustion but she couldn't afford to give them anymore ground. She got up and began to hobble. Her knee was swollen, her body ached, but she had to keep pushing forward. 

She had fought with her body for about 100 metres when the clouds broke and sheets of rain darted to the ground. It was as if the elements didn't want her to reach her goal. Her will was stronger than tiredness and certainly stronger than rain, she carried on moving. 

The thick rain drops hurled and whizzed at her. The weight of her drenched clothes pulled at her tired body. For the first time, small doubt crept into her mind, it was quick and short. She dispelled it, failure was not an option. 
On she hobbled. 

After the clouds had completely emptied and had nothing left, they parted. Relief pulled a sigh from her throat, but worry soon took hold of her. She had learnt this world was one of constant surprises. The conclusion of the rain meant the start of something else.

On she hobbled, wondering what would come for her next. She didn't have to wait long. A sickening screech cut through the air. It was loud, it was aggressive and it was her next test.